tide goes in, tide goes out [pt.2]

[part 1: mini weekend get away to Slovenia *click here*]

I'm backed up against a brick wall.. or.. another way to say it is, "I'm up against a Dragon". Referin' back to the previous rant [Aug.27], even though I understand the circumstances a little better now, and it seems I haven't been the only one with emotionally pent up issues pending resolution (I'm glad we talked btw, and I hope in the future, you can turn to me too), I'm still expected to return to the States and kick-start what I've been avoiding.
A life. ......... of my own.
I thought I'd find it out here.. but lets face it, no one wants to go through the trouble of re-training a reality-stunted girl. It would take a certain amount of dedication that I really can't expect anyone to undertake. Besides.. that type of thinking is *exactly* what's the matter with me in the first place! I can't expect someone to do for me what I need to do for myself. Grow up! Damnitall.. *growls*
Shit.
I seriously feel like I'm going back to square 1.2, even though my eyes have been opened that much more, it's the physical direction that just feels wrong. I don't want to go back to the U.S. ... I miss my friends **cheezy grin**, and even family, very much, but I just don't ''feel good'' back there. Aimless, distracted, frustrated... just to name a few feelings associated.

Back to the 'Dragon' part... the decision has been taken out of my hands. You never realize how much that can bother you, until *wham* it's thrust in your face for you to smell. SO.. I couldn't make solid decisions on my own, couldn't find my way on my own, couldn't accomplish what I set out to do, so the spiral downwards was stopped, sutured, and a decision made for me - Go back to what you know, and apply what you've learned.
The scar is still fresh, but at least it's not infected.

(gawd I love metaphors... X9 )

I have to come to terms with this. ............................ ugh.. the migraine is already starting...

I bought my ticket.
Sept. 16
Depart: Warsaw, 8:45am
Arrive: Munich, 10:25am
Depart: Munich, 12:20pm
Arrive: Chicago, 3:14pm (right in time for traffic.. yay)

I have to re-pack!
Re-decide what goes with me, and what gets shipped.
Re-divide out what I'm not taking back with me.
**whimpers**

I can't even get started about $$ .................... a job will be a must first thing.

So that's it for now.
Thanks for playin' the "Joanna Revolutions of the Psychoanalysys & Whining" game~ till next time.